Adjusting

The last day hasn't been easy ...

You may recall we likened getting the news about leukemia in June to catching a big sack of bricks off the top of a building; re-entering VUMC has been more like catching a small sack of rocks or something. The cumulative effect of all this is difficult, no matter how strong you are. It's never a hopeless feeling, just a constant wearing down that you acknowledge and deal with. Each time, you just summon up more energy, which I have been able to do time and time again. This last day or so, it has been hard to find enough.

The last day-and-a-half has been a period of adjustment. This morning was the roughest ... I was looking at an exhausted wife from high fever, a presentation to give tomorrow morning to 400 people and other obligations the next few days. I adjusted today by simplifying the schedule, talking and thinking through how I feel, praying, and getting something in my belly. I feel better this afternoon ... regrouped enough to blog, eh?

Humor has helped. I started cracking jokes again after lunch. Chuck Hendry and Dori, along with Kim Swindall, are all back at VUMC. I quipped they're just cashing in their Marriott Rewards. Not Zanies-level material, but a joke. I started telling other jokes, some a little too colorful for this venue. Another one that comes to mind ... I saw Dori's 18 bottles of pills stacked up and told her she was making Barry Bonds proud. I need to keep laughing ... it bolsters my spirits.

When I arrived at the hospital this morning, I was told Dori's fever maxed at 102.2. False info ... Turns out it peaked at 103.6. High fever works your blood cells hard, and as a result, Dori has been very tired today. Dori will get an "EGD" (in her gastrointestinal tract) tomorrow to check for Graft Versus Host Disease. She's getting antibiotics today and the fever has been abating. Hopefully, this visit, her fourth to VUMC, will be a very short stay.

I recently counted total time here this year at 99 days. June 2007 seems like it was three years ago. That's part of the wearing down you have to face. I haven't let it out much lately, like crying, but when I read the CaringBridge post about Kathryn's fourth grade class saying a Hail Mary for Dori this morning, I lost it. It's alright to cry, as Rosie Greer sang on Sesame Street many years ago. Sung only like a touchy-feely All-Pro defensive tackle in the 70s.

Kathryn sings tonight in the school Christmas choir, which Will and I will attend. Tomorrow, I'll make my presentation, swing by the office briefly and come be with my girl again.