Today, Kathryn will be confirmed in the Catholic Church. Next week is Mother's Day. Kathryn graduates eighth grade later this month. The one-year anniversary of Dori's death is next month.
My family is worried about me, protective and concerned. Obviously, we/I have a lot to process right now, as if the last year hasn't been enough. I'm in a much better place today than two months ago. I've done some things I've needed to do for a long time, which I'll share in a bit, and I've cleared the air with a few people I love dearly, which I won't communicate here.
First, I seem to be enjoying running again. The last year, some runs have been fine, but others have been no fun at all. In recent weeks, I feel like going out for runs, like yesterday morning's five-miler at Radnor Lake. I could have run 10 miles. I'm glad the fun seems to be coming back, because it's time to drop a few pounds. I'm about to go run later this morning.
Two weeks ago, I went to our school's auction. I was having a nice conversation, and was invited by three attractive ladies to go hear a band, The Mavericks, who were mighty awesome. I like to dance, which I hadn't done in awhile (ok, ages). So did my friends ... and we shut down that bar. I greatly enjoyed the company. I've actually been perusing local publications and the Internet for fun things to do. I plan to go to the Ryman Auditorium this summer to hear a few bands, among several outings.
My friend Felice and I had a good conversation recently. She runs programs at Gilda's Club, and we talked about how I'm progressing to new places. She said something that made me cry, that I will experience joy again. Funny, that's been a main mission this past year ... convincing my children that they should experience joy, even with their mother not here. I've done many things that bring them joy. I think Will's smile, which is a reflection of Dori's, shows he's genuinely happy with the activity in his life. That's a huge victory for him and us.
I've been reluctant to take my own advice, because I've been so focused on them. But I can't imagine it being any different than it has been. Taking care of me first would have been almost selfish, whether you agree with that or not. I didn't need or want to go hear a band three months ago. Now I do. With the help of my mother and others, I've spruced up our yard, deck and house. I have a new bathroom addition that looks fantastic. Our flower gardens are stunning. The back deck, where I recently hosted a backyard BBQ party for 20 friends, also looks great. And I have plans to do more. See for yourself. I know this is what Dori wanted me to do.