Monday, May 21, 2012

The Here and Now

My grief comes in waves, then abates. In the troughs, I know the waves will come again. That's how it is now. I'm dealing with it. I continue to look for my own time, and will have a fair amount next month with the kids at camp. Decisions, decisions. I continue to make progress.

Many kind souls continue to look out for me and my children, usually in small but not insignificant ways. One friend ordered a running book and had it shipped to the house. Another has set up an early morning Monday run. Yet another, this one anonymous, donated to one child's tuition next year. Some still contribute to the kids' tuition fund that we set up last summer. A co-worker popped in my door and started talking about what our story and this blog means to her family, her faith and the challenges we all face and endure. I said what most of you know, that this blog is for me, but I'm more than happy to share it.

At the moment, the hardest thing is not having Dori to hear what's going on in the lives around me. An old friend is experiencing turmoil. I'm helping him, but Dori would have helped cover every base, or reassured me I was making good, supportive decisions. I know other family members and Dori's best friends miss her counsel. We still talk and text fairly regularly, but I know they miss her dearly.

We all agree on several points. She was the best listener. Her instincts were amazingly sharp. She knew how to make you feel good, and she knew how to tell you to do better without making you feel bad. Sweet, tough love. I'm trying. She was better at it. I miss that right here, right now.

Since my last post, I have continued to run regularly. Last week, I ran five, six and six miles. Yesterday, I ran four hot miles with Pepper, and today, five cool miles with my Monday morning buddy. I'll make it three days in a row with an early Pepper run tomorrow. I'm feeling a gradual return of conditioning. The tough hill at Mile 5 this morning would have been tough at Mile 3 earlier in the month.

I thought I would conclude by sharing how amazing the kids look. My pride and joy ...


Ronni Gordon said...

Your children are beautiful. I can see Dori in your daughter. Thanks for the update.

Ann said...

Thanks for the update, Jim. The kids are getting so big. It looks like Will will be taller than Kathryn in no time.