Fear of Failure

This evening, I ran five miles. To quote Forrest: "That's all I have to say about that."

I do have a lot to say about learning from failure, and not learning. I've touched on it a few times since starting this corner of the Web more than a year ago. Tonight, I give it full attention.

I know about failure because I have experience with it. When I was younger, I didn't understand how to deal with failure or disappointment. I rarely set my own expectations, but I did try hard to live up to others' expectations for me.

Case in point was my high school athletic career. As a junior golfer, I finished second a lot to a kid named Don Sargent. Don wasn't more gifted than I, just more disciplined and focused. I had good moments, but I finished behind him and an East Tennessee kid named Randy Wylie more than I should have. My confidence slowly sank, and my golf game regressed through college.

As a salesman in the 90s, I didn't always bring my "A" game every day. Sales is rough; you have to love it. I liked some of it, but again, lack of discipline and passion resulted in a slow meltdown.

Trust me, there are other examples in my life of mediocrity or falling short. What I finally learned over time is that it's OK to fail. In fact, failure can be good if you know what to do with it. I didn't for a time, but I do now.

Randy Pausch, in his Last Lecture (see last week's embedded video), talks about his own shortcomings and unfulfilled dreams. He addresses the meaning of walls in our lives. Eight years ago, I started dealing with those walls more directly. Over time, I started looking forward to walls. Lord knows, there have been plenty of them the last few years.

I am saddened by people I know and love who are unable to accept, acknowledge or face failure. They feel helpless. It gnaws at them. Rather than shrug off the setback and get back on the horse, they wonder what people must think about them. "I've failed. People must think I'm weak." Unable to cope, they believe they must sweep their shortcomings under the rug, lest someone know about it and spread the word. It's an untasty, unhealthy Pain and Anguish Stew.

I know about this because I've tasted it. When I figured out I could dream my own dreams and even hit life's reset button, I started on the road to a happier, richer life. I know I'm not a great salesman, but I do know how to communicate. I changed careers. I know I'm athletic, but that I'm not the greatest athlete; with work, though, I could improve. Voila, I started performing better in sports.

I am grateful to the Lord for this understanding, and I pray that the people I love come to a similar place.

Close to the Heart

I told Dori about something I received in one of my Leukemia & Lymphoma Society updates.

Southern Ohio's Princeton High School is this year's top School & Youth Programs fundraising school. Students there raised more than $47,000 for LLS's research programs and patient services. ... Nationally, 10 million students, grades K through 12, raised more than $19 million for LLS's mission: Cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. Over 23,000 schools were registered this year.

Dori was a little verklempt when she heard this. Princeton High School is her alma mater.

In case you were wondering ... For more information about next school year, please visit www.schoolandyouth.org or call (888) HELP-LLS.

Also today, I read the following opinion editorial in the local paper. This looks like a wonderful endeavor to help folks who are in need.

Foundation helps patients fight the 'greater fight' against leukemia
By WHIT POLLEY • July 29, 2008

Large bees. For many years, when I thought of The Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee, I thought of The Foundation's unique symbol of philanthropy. This is no longer the case as I have grown to know this organization so intimately and come to appreciate their valuable role in this community. However, most times, I honestly wish I only associated The Community Foundation with large bees, and not with the loss of a dear friend.

On Sunday, June 24, 2007, I lost my lifelong friend, Chad Welch, when his more than two-year battle with Acute Mylogenous Leukemia came to an end. Tragic. It is the only way to describe Chad's untimely passing. At the age of 28, he had his whole life in front of him. But a doctor's visit on a Monday morning in 2005 would drastically alter Chad's day-to-day life for the next 26 months.

Despite this dramatic shift in his life, Chad did not lose his passion for living and his desire to be a force of positive change. Throughout his illness, Chad not only fought his own disease, but he also became an advocate for the greater fight against leukemia by raising money from his hospital bed for numerous leukemia-related charities. Just a couple of months before his passing, Chad was honored as "Hero of the Year" for his fundraising efforts during the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Man of the Year campaign.

More importantly, Chad challenged his family and friends to join the fight against leukemia. Shortly after his death, inspired by Chad's courage and selfless nature, we desperately wanted to continue Chad's fight, but felt powerless to make even a small difference and were overwhelmed on how to do so. The disease that is leukemia seemed too large and our ability to affect change too small. Enter The Community Foundation.

This remarkable organization allowed us to start something special and became the springboard that enabled us to come together in Chad's name, realizing our vision and connecting the generosity of others with Chad's deep-seated desire to better the lives of those affected by leukemia, particularly those without financial means. With the establishment of The Chad Welch Memorial Fund, a highly effective vehicle has been created to empower those who want to make an impact.

Instead of having to raise a lump sum of money for a one-time donation, we have been able to form a team, hold numerous fundraisers and create a pool of resources.

The Fund is a platform that allows us to chip away at the problem bit by bit.

To date, hundreds of individuals and many companies have generously donated their time and money to Chad's Fund. Whether they can contribute $10 or $1,000, The Community Foundation provides a way for people to make a difference and for each and every dollar contributed to work year after year after year.

There was a place for us at The Foundation. It has been a vital instrument in helping Chad's friends and family continue his personal struggle. It memorializes the memory of a dear friend and makes a difference in the lives of those fighting their own battle with leukemia. If you ever need it, there's a place for you there too.

Good job, Whit and friends. Chad's battle is not over, thanks to you.

Downright Gross

That's what these running conditions are. You can sugarcoat it, but this is the time of year in Tennessee that running should only be undertaken by people who are in good shape. Starting now could be fatal for some.

This morning's 4.6-mile run felt like a nine miler. I finished more than half an hour ago, took a cold shower, dried off and I'm still dripping wet. Conditions: 74 degrees, 91% humidity, 71 degree dewpoint and no wind. Bleh. I can't imagine what these football players are going through right now. Even if you're in great shape, it has to be taxing.

Finat time: 45:28. Pace: 9:52/mile. Weekly mileage thus far: 8.1 miles. Total training mileage since early June: 177 (That'll get me from Nashville to Knoxville).

More Tennis

Yesterday, Dori insisted on more tennis. The sun was still up around 4:30 and I urged Dori to wait for the sun to drop more, but I couldn't keep the girl off the court.

We played in heat (low 90s), but a slight breeze helped. Dori didn't last 90 minutes this time. She was fatigued after 45. It was much warmer yesterday than the day we played a few weeks ago. That said, there's no way she could have played tennis like this even earlier this summer. Her strength isn't all the way back, but I bet her red blood cell count finally crosses into the normal range this Thursday at her next monthly check-up.

I blew off my Monday morning run. Feeling sore and slightly exhausted, I stayed in bed until 6:30 (very late for me). I was in bed 10 hours last night after a two hour nap Sunday afternoon. My body simply needs more time to recover when running in this heat.

After work, I donned my running gear and headed out the door into the heat. It was 87 degrees with a 73 degree dewpoint. Thick stuff, but not as thick as this. Can you imagine how those marathoners in China are going to feel in a few weeks?

I was determined to run a quick 3.5 miler, even in tough conditions. The course I picked had some hills, but nothing like Saturday's run. My pace at 2.75 miles was 8:49/mile. I was gasping for air with a dry, scratchy throat. For 20 seconds, I walked and swigged warm water that was cold 20 minutes before, then started up again, getting back into a decent rhythm after ascending the last hill. I finished 3.5 miles in 31:23, an 8:58 pace. Not bad in the slop.

Congratulations to Cousin Laura, who ran a 1:56:25 in the Nike NYC Half Marathon yesterday, placing 3634 among about 17,000 runners and 1108 among the ladies. Very impressive!

Shortened Run

Dori and the kids just got back from a two-miler. All three ran very well, despite the conditions. All three are getting noticeably stronger.

My run was more interesting. The Team In Training marthoners (and I, the tag-along half marathoner) headed in to Percy Warner Park and its impressive hills. I ran with the front group, dropping slightly on the hills and catching them on the downhills. The conditions were very difficult - dewpoint 72 degrees, humidity 90% and a 76 degree temperature that felt like low 80s.

Margie, Mark and I made the 5.8-mile checkpoint at exactly a 10:00/mile pace. That sounds slow, but in the slop it wasn't. I was wet from head to toe, with squishy feet. As we headed out to the flatter part of the course for the next six miles, I recalled last year's calf injury in identical conditions. As minor leg stress ensued, I thought, "I'm well ahead on my training for October and don't want a repeat of last August." So I peeled off and ran some back roads, finishing eight miles in 1:19:17, or a 9:54/mile pace.

Dori asked how I felt about the run, and I said, "Fine, I wasn't going to get injured." I don't mind suffering on runs, but despite good efforts to stay hydrated and fueled, my body sometimes has a rebellion after 10 miles on days like today. I will run 12 miles fine when the conditions aren't extreme. This week's total distance was 21 miles, which is a good base with more than two-and-a-half months of training left.

I'm tempted to grumble about today's mortgage bailout, but I better stay on blog message. So I came home to the house this morning with Dori at the computer. She was emotional as she talked about the passing of Dr. Randy Pausch.

What an approach. His purpose has been fulfilled.

Friday Night Flashbacks

Dori and I had a great time last night watching Sheryl Crow in concert. She's quite the performer and there was plenty of tissue paper in the bathroom. Thank you, Beth, for the tickets!

Good luck to cousin Laura in her half marathon in NYC this Sunday. She could be distracted easily ... Lance Armstrong and Katie Holmes are supposedly running.

It's time for Friday Night Flashbacks. Here's a Dori favorite, When In Rome's The Promise. I like it, too, even though there are Milli Vanilli-like qualities.



Here's a fun one from The Talking Heads. Gotta love David Byrne trapped inside his own body. "And you may find yourself behind a large automobile." How prophetic ... Anyhoo, midlife crisis experts, enjoy.



Now it's time to count the number of Nazis who get messed up. What do you think Spielberg dreamt about when he was boy? Filming retribution.

Roseanne's Rainbow

Each week, the Tennessee Team In Training participants receive an update from the local Leukemia & Lymphoma Society chapter. It's tells us how much money individuals in our Nashville and Knoxville groups, as well as race teams, have raised for LLS. Sometimes, we receive personal stories. I've copied and pasted this week's entry below.

For those of you who have been following this blog, you know I don't believe in coincidences.

Remembering Roseanne
Knoxville Nike Participant, Julie Claxton, shares her personal honoree's story

On December 3, 2007, Roseanne Edinger, a devoted wife and loving mother of three (ages ten, seven, and four) was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. That Monday afternoon began Roseanne's brave, uphill battle with a disease that we, as TNT teammates, are trying so desperately to cure. Over the next seven months, Roseanne would fight hard, never complaining about her situation or questioning "Why me?" In fact, Roseanne felt that, if anything, her faith in God and her relationships with others were made stronger as a result of the physical suffering her body endured.

Despite Roseanne's courageous fight, on the morning of July 12, 2008, her body succumbed to cancer. That evening, a fundraiser had already been planned in Roseanne's honor. The event went on as planned as Roseanne's husband assured us all that "Roseanne would have wanted it that way." As the evening came to an end, those in attendance couldn't help but gaze up at the nighttime sky. A full, arching rainbow seemed to wrap its colors around the earth. Maybe a coincidence, but maybe, as Roseanne's husband had already suggested, Roseanne was smiling down on the evening. Life is like a rainbow; you need both the sun and the rain to make it appear. Roseanne Edinger's living was for so many people like the sun, and her passing is our rain. I don't think I'll admire a rainbow's beauty again without thinking of my friend, Roseanne, and knowing how important my work with TNT is. I want to help others beat these diseases. In doing so, I will continue to honor my friend Roseanne, and her life will always remind me of a rainbow.

God bless Roseanne and her family, and God bless Julie for her determination and courage. We are inspired in Nashville, Julie, and we'll see you in San Francisco.

This morning's 4.5 miler was nice. Temperature was in the high 60s and humidity wasn't bad. I shook out the sprint-induced kinks after a mile, and felt fine, dropping my pace each mile. Final time: 42:13, a 9:23/mile pace.

Faster Running

Tonight after work, I drove to Radnor Lake and ran some quick miles.

Mile one was an 8:30, with the first quarter mile straight up hill. My HR shot to 156 at the crest, then settled in to the 140s. I stopped very briefly, stretched again and then ran 1.5 miles at a 9:20/mile pace.

After another brief rest, I ran the last mile at a 7:45 pace. I felt like I was going 95%. It was hot (88 degrees), but shady and not humid. I was pleased to get in good speed work without jeopardizing tomorrow's run and the next long run on Saturday. Average pace: 8:38/mile for 3.5 miles.

The schedule for Saturday is to run 12 miles, 5.8 of which are the very hilly loop in Percy Warner Park. I foresee a Saturday afternoon nap.

Ohio Friends

Sunday night, we enjoyed the company of Dori's step cousin Sharon and her family. Dori grew up in Cincinnati, and Sharon's family is from Hamilton. They're in Tennessee this week because their son Max's team is playing in baseball tournament.

We ate pizza and ice cream sundaes, then threw the ball and played "horse" in basketball. The girls played the guys in basketball, and we received some nice insight about Oxford, where Vanderbilt is playing next month against Miami of Ohio. Sharon told me she reads the blog ... Hello, Sharon!

While Will and I read in bed that night, I asked him if he had a good time with 14-year-old Max. He said playing with Max "was like having a big brother." Yep, he had a good time, and so did we.

Deer Park

I know three things after this morning's five miles.

1. I have not fully recovered from Saturday's training.
2. We have enough deer in our neighborhood to open a zoo.
3. I wish I had our dog's energy on mornings like this.

Onward and upward ...