Monday, February 16, 2009

Mind vs. Heart

Some of us in the blood cancer blogosphere know a friend who is facing great peril at the moment. This situation has been on my mind constantly for 24 hours. I didn't tell Dori last night, but shared what I knew this morning. Dori looked like she took a punch to the gut. PJ summed up our feelings as well as anyone in a recent post. I feel anger, frustration, sadness ... all wrapped in hope and prayer for a good outcome.

I'll say this and move on. Every day is a wonderful day with Dori, and many people know I feel this way. A single friend told me Sunday that our marriage has had a profound impact on how he looks at love. After telling him how much I appreciated his frankness, I said it's amazing how much more you can love someone when you know it was almost taken away or it can be taken away.

In the back of my mind, I know the chance of relapse and another scrap with leukemia exist. I simply must acknowledge that fear, that unknown, each time I think about it, then move on to what I can control, which is the now. What's in the moment is what matters. God will take me, Dori and anyone else where He wants. My mind processes rationally, while my heart invites emotion. Like Yoda said, the future is difficult to see and emotion is always the future. Sorry to go Jedi on everyone again, but those damned movies make more sense every day.

I ran a total of nearly 14 miles Saturday and today. I tried to run the 11.2 in the park Saturday, but my achilles tendon started bothering me scaling Three Mile Hill. So I cut off the run, finishing the 5.8-mile loop instead and finishing last week with 20 miles. Saturday night, I fixed Dori (her request) and the kids a Valentine's Day dinner (gourmet Low Country shrimp and grits with sharp white Wisconsin cheese and parm and some double chocolate brownies). Sunday was spent on the Tennessee River fishing with two buddies, observing the Feast of the Holy Sauger.

Today, I worked until mid-afternoon before peeling off mid-afternoon for a President's Day run. The weather was perfect - high 40s, dry and sunny. I ran an easy eight miles aerobically, probably a 9:15/mile pace, but my achilles started acting up again around Mile Four. I've been massaging it quite a bit the last few days, but probably have to turn this matter over to a professional. I'm probably busier than stubborn, or I would have done so already.

Please pray for peace, wellness and more strength for all who need it.

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