Sources of Strength

I spent much of yesterday praying for peace for Dori. It was a day I was glad to leave behind because I knew today would be better. Today was much better.

Dori was strong to readmit herself yesterday, but the flashbacks of 2007 proved to be intense. How couldn't they be? Checking in to 11 North at Vanderbilt, where she'll likely be for at least the next four weeks, was equivalent to taking repeated gut punches. I held her in my arms at one point, and all I could say was, "Let it out, let it out. It's going to be OK." It was brutal and exhausting, mostly for Dori.

The staff of 11 North is awesome, just like they were a few years ago. About half the team is still there. One nurse said to Dori, "You're the last person I wanted to see up here," then hugged her. It's hard to be back, but we're in good hands.

When I visited this morning, Dori looked great and seemed to be moving ahead. My Mom and sister joined us, and some laughter picked everyone up. Several visitors said hello throughout the day. Dori can accept guests easily now, because the chemo hasn't really knocked her down yet.

The days ahead will be challenging. The chemo, which started hours after she checked in, will run for five days, or four if her counts plummet. She'll be done Monday night or Tuesday night, then getting a bone marrow biopsy on Day 14. Remission, negative and clean ... all words we want to hear in late July.

This afternoon, the kids visited. They are in great spirits, actually. Kathryn talked about Mom on the way home, and Will and I talked tonight. He was afraid three years ago, but has a sense of optimism and calm that is impressive.

He's come a long way and said something I won't soon forget: "I'm not angry because I know this isn't anyone's fault." Sad, yes, but not angry. Children are a blessing in many ways, but I appreciate their resilience, intelligence and positive growth. It's helping me.

So are your prayers. Many friends, new and old, are showering us with love and holding us up. It helps more than you know to hear the choir.