Thursday, April 30, 2009

Simply, Anger

On Monday, I checked the blogs of our friend Patricia, aka PJ, like I normally do every few days. I wasn't expecting the news I read. Patricia's leukemia has returned.

Patricia, like Dori, is an AML survivor and one witty, smart chick to boot. Dori and I have never met her. We found her via the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's blog. We talked to her once on the phone on one of those leisurely Sundays we rarely have anymore. It was an enjoyable call, confirming what we thought of her as we read her blog week after week. She's a classy, sassy, wonderful lady.

We're regulars on her blog, and she visits here often. We're part of that group that includes Ronni and Ann and others. It's a wavelength thing. We're all on the same one. Like Internet family.

After I read PJ's post that she had relapsed, I called Dori to tell her. I might as well have punched Dori in the gut. Physical illness seemed possible, as I listened to her gasp for breath. An hour later, Dori called and just lost it. I understood completely, but I was in a state of numbness that slowly transformed to being pissed. I'm good with words, and those are the best I have.

Work has been insane this week, but I have thought of PJ during my limited free time. I've pondered, like Dori has, "This could be Dori." I know relapse could happen some time. It feels like it's almost happening now. No control, so live with it. That's the reality. PJ, who has seen others she likes and respects relapse, told me she understands how we feel about her relapse. Like we need the comforting. It just pisses me off.

Prayers help. I need to keep saying them, and I hope you join me. I told PJ her army is behind her, and that's part of what I meant.


Lindsay said...

Count me in as a prayer warrior.

Ronni Gordon said...

I met Patricia through the Internet and then actually met her several times in person when she visited me in the hospital. I feel the same way that you and Dori feel about her relapse. It really hit hard. I've talked to her since then and she sounds pretty good, sense of humor and fighting spirit intact.

Anonymous said...


I am reading this now and you summed up exactly how I feel. I know she is a fighter but I would love to help. If you have her mailing address, could you send it to me via email?

This was a beautiful post you wrote and please give Ms. Dori a big ole hug for me.

Ann said...


I'm with you and Dori. All of you(our little internet family) have come to mean so very much to me. You're all such rare, beautiful people and I count myself blessed to have "met" you all.

Patricia is a feisty one to be sure. My money's on her every time.